A Lost Art

With the exception of being able to pee standing up, I am a stalwart proponent of the idea that women can do anything men can do (and technically, we CAN pee standing up… it just comes with slightly itchy and uncomfortable consequences).

But, I've noticed, that as the equality of the sexes strengthens, chivalry (remember this?) has become a lost art.

Did you know that men used to open doors for women?

I’ve taken to pushing the button that opens the doors for you (intended for those in wheel chairs). This is how it goes down:

Me (pushing button): Oh my! (flirtatiously) Why thank you, what a gentleman. You know, you’re a dying bred.

Handicap Button (as door opens): Buzzzzzzz.

Me (coyly): (giggles) I am flattered, but you know, I’m a married woman.

Handicap Button: CLICK!

Me: Thanks again, have a great day!

Handicap Button (as door closes): Swoosh.

Courtesy, Generosity, Valor, Gallantry, Thoughtfulness. Women swoon over men who emulate these traits.

Did you know that my Great Aunt had NEVER filled up her car with gas until after her husband passed away? A 70-something year old woman with a good 50 plus years of driving experience under her belt and she had never filled up her own car. Why? Because it used to be part of her husband’s chivalrous Saturday ritual: Get up, mow the lawn, wash the cars, fill the cars up with gas. What a hunk!

Can you imagine being the gas attendant working the day Aunt Carmen had her first pump experience?

Gas Attendant (after noticing a car has been sitting at the pump for nearly half an hour): (knocking on driver’s window) Excuse me, ma’am?

Aunt Carmen (rolling down window): Oh finally! I need a fill up and (handing attendant a $5 bill) my windows could use a good washing as well.

Gas Attendant: (giving back money) I’m sorry Ma’am, but this is a self-serve gas station. You can pay at the pump or inside.

Aunt Carmen (obviously “put-out”): Oh. Well, that’s not a problem. (saying more to convince herself as she gets out of car) I can do this. Now, let’s see… (starts pushing buttons… removes gas pump and looks around precariously) … this must go…. HERE! (shoves gas pump in wheel well).

Gas Attendant: Uh…. Ma’am….

Aunt Carmen: Now, to pay! (gets out $20 bill and tries to feed into credit card reader… after some struggling) Why isn’t this working?! (bill falls to the ground in a crumpled up wad) I know! It must not take bills. (gets into coin purse and attempts to put coins into credit card reader).

Gas Attendant: (rolling eyes) Here… let me help you.

Epic, right?

I’ve always day dreamed about getting ready to cross the street at a busy intersection in a rainy New York City (in my favorite pair of Louis Vuittons…. this is a day dream, remember?…) when the reincarnate Sir Walter Raleigh, standing next to me, lays his coat over the dubious puddle in my way so as to protect me (and my designer shoes) from getting soaked.

Giving women flowers, helping us out of cars, offering us your jacket, holding the umbrella, introducing us to your acquaintances. THIS is what separates the men from the boys and please, BELIEVE you me when I say this, the world could do with fewer boys and more men. Believe. You. Me.

Well, as you can imagine… as these feelings of frustration at the absence of gallantry in our society have been on my mind, I haven’t been at all shy about vocalizing my opinions…. to The Husband.

It didn’t dawn on me how well The Husband listens until I got into my car Monday morning to drive to work. As I was backing out of the driveway, I glanced at my dashboard and noticed that I had a full tank of gas. Suddenly my mind was flooded with flashes of exceptionally kind things The Husband had done for me this past weekend. He opened the door for me at church, he made me dinner, he gave me a foot rub, he got me a glass of water in the middle of the night, and now, he filled up my car with gas?!

Although he didn’t shower me with flowers or spoil me with jewels… I realized that I have got a serious hero on my hands. Someone’s getting lucky tonight.

**** (Totally relevant side note!) ****

As I’ve been writing this post, this song has been stuck in my head (Which is not surprising, considering I have a congenital play list called “Show Tunes” continually playing on repeat in my brain):

WARNING – this is not the most wholesome of songs… listen at your own risk.

End of relevant side note… End of relevant post.