So, who's a girl to blame for this atrocious act, this dismal deed, this putrid performance?!? WHO?! Seeing as I had a BIG problem and no answers, I decided to start an intense and thorough crime scene investigation.
The first thing I noticed was that the poops were mostly the same size. This crime was obviously committed by a smaller dog, or dogs. There are many of these around the neighborhood, so it's difficult to say which one it is. I had thought of blaming my parents pups (who happen to live next door): Dill, the schnauzer and Bandit, the pug. They do pretty much have free reign of the neighborhood, and lets face it, they're DOGS (smaller dogs, as a matter of fact), they think they can poop anywhere they please!
Dill and Bandit were looking like prime suspects and I was getting ready to take some legal action... However... upon further investigation of the scene of the crime, I noted that the evidence can only be spotted on the front lawn, not in the back yard or the side yard. I found this knowledge strange, seeing as Dill and Bandit frequent my back yard on a daily basis. Hmmm....
This case was really starting to bother me. I mean, sure, it's just poop... but, it's POOP! Who honestly likes cleaning up poop? Especially if it's not your own pets? I was ready to give up on my crusade, when this morning, a very enlightening event occurred. I was getting ready to leave for school and opened the front door to walk out to my car.
Upon opening the front door, I encountered a man just standing on the sidewalk, facing my house, with his hands in his pockets. He obviously didn't realize I had opened the door, probably because I was being camouflaged by the closed screen door. I was a little disturbed at first, wondering why this man was just standing in front of my house, until I noticed a tiny black line leading out of his pocket. The line was a leash and it was connected to a dog, cocker-spaniel, to be exact. This dog was sniffing around my FRONT LAWN while the owner just stood there.
I was about to just walk out to my car when I heard, "Come on Jackie, go poop". Excuse? Yeah, you heard right, this MAN was prompting his SMALL COCKER-SPANIEL to take a DUMP on my LAWN!!!! I was furious! I loudly opened the screen door and said "uh, HELLO"! The owner, who was OBVIOUSLY guilty... HE WAS CAUGHT IN THE ACT... quickly said "Oh,
Jackie, don't, bad Jackie!" then ran away.
GRAAAAHHHH!!!! Are you freaking kidding me?! So, (as my little brother says) thing wrong #1: It is totally against the law to NOT clean up your pet's shiz, thing wrong #2: It is totally against common decency and etiquette to prompt your ugly cocker-spaniel to "do it's duty" on a perfect stranger's lawn EVERY DAY!!! Ok, maybe not every day, but enough days to make an impact on me. I suppose I'm not exactly a "stranger", seeing as the man lives down the road, but it's not like we're chums or have ever even talked to one another... not that being friends with a person gives you the right to let your dog crap on their lawn anyway!!!!
So, what should I do? It's taken every ounce of strength for me NOT to call the Animal Control and tattle-tell. "Come on Jackie, go poop", argh! That keeps sounding over and over again in my mind. Oh, and on a side note, who names their dog Jackie? Really, pets aren't humans! (I'm in a mad rage right now, so don't take offense if you happened to name your dog Bill or something.)
I've been give a few other more deserving suggestions on "how to deal" with the situation: put the poopie on a plate and deliver it to the owner's home, put the poop in a bag and light it on fire on the door step, and even have someone I know poop on the owner's lawn. But, I really am torn. I don't think the offense had quite reached lynching status... but if I find ONE more piece of digested dog food on my lawn... I'm going to do SOMETHING. I'm not sure what that SOMETHING is yet, but it's going to be BAD... VERY BAD.
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