Things Are Looking Up

As I mentioned, after going through “The Steps” time after time, only to be disappointed month after month, I finally got to point where I was ready to give up.  I started to have thoughts like “Maybe I’m just not cut out to be a mom” and “I guess I deserve this because of (insert ridiculous reason here)” and “The Lord must think we’re better off without children”.  Really, they were silly things to be telling myself because NONE of them were or are remotely true.  But, when you are in a situation where you want something so badly… more than anything in this world, in fact… and there is nothing you can do to get what you want… even the silliest of ideas seem rational.

So, one day, I decided I would try one last round of “The Steps” before finally giving up.  It was day 35 and still no period.  I called my doctor’s office to have them call in my next round of meds.  “Did you take a pregnancy test?” the nurse asked over the phone. 

I hadn’t.  Why?  Because pregnancy tests don’t grow on trees and they’re not exactly cheap, AND all of the others had come back negative.  I didn’t feel any different and I didn’t want to waste my time and money on taking a freakin’ pregnancy test.  (I was not in a good place at this point in time... as you can tell :).

“I cannot call in the prescription until you can confirm a negative pregnancy test”, the nurse insisted.  I hung up the phone and sat there, thinking for a bit.  I wanted to just call back and lie.  Tell her I took a test.  That it came back negative.  Unfortunately, my parents had burned into my mind the value of “Honesty is the best policy” since before the beginning of time.

I stopped at the store on my way home from work and picked up the cheapest pregnancy test I could find.  They tell you to take pregnancy tests in the morning, when the hormone HCG (the pregnancy hormone) will be strongest in your body.  I really didn’t care at this point, so, later that evening I took the test.

I waited a few minutes for the test to generate results.  I glanced over at it, sitting atop the toilet.  I did a double take.  I was shocked to find a positive pregnancy test sitting where I had left the test I was sure would be negative.  Say what?

I carefully inspected the test, waived it in the air a few times, and tapped it against the counter, trying to see if I had just bought a faulty test (I’m not sure how waiving a pregnancy test in the air of hitting it against the counter would tell me whether I had bought a faulty test or not…).  But the positive result remained.

I found The Husband in the kitchen, rummaging in the fridge.  “Honey,” I said, “this test says we’re pregnant.”  He stood up from his crouched food searching position and just stared at me, like I had just been speaking in a foreign language.

“See?” I said, “This says we’re pregnant.”  The Husband still looked perplexed, then he said, “Are you sure?  Maybe we should get a more expensive test to make sure.”

So, we did.  We went to the store and got the most expensive pregnancy test we could find (because expensive things produce more accurate results?!?).  I took that test the next morning.  I wanted to do it right this time.  I peed on the test then waited.  Guess what?  Same result as the cheapy test.  Positive.  I was pregnant.

There is a song from a musical I was once in that came to mind when I saw that second positive pregnancy test.

Allow me to share the lyrics:

Things are looking up!

I’ve been looking the landscape over

And it’s covered with four-leaf clover,

Oh things are looking up

Since love looked up at me.

Bitter was my cup,

But no more will I be the mourner,

For I’ve certainly turned the corner.

Oh things are looking up

Since loved looked up at me.

See the sunbeams!

Ev’ry one beams

Just because of you.

Love’s in session

And my depression

Is unmistakably through.

Things are looking up!

It's a great little world we live in!

Oh I’m happy as a pup

Since love looked up –

Oh I’m happy as a pup

Since loved looked up at me!

This song echoed over and over again in my head.  It seemed that my luck had finally changed.  Thing WERE looking up.