From Barren to Bearing in 35 Days or Less

Ok, so I found out that I have broken ovaries (and might I add, learning that you have infertility issues is rather difficult news to hear… its more like being handed a grenade with the pin already pulled).  There is a part of you that still has hope though, so my next question was, “where do we go from here?”.

I asked my doctor what the best treatment for PCOS was.

“Birth control, definitely birth control”, was his response.

Uh…. Hold your horses there boss.  In case you haven’t noticed, Doc, the word “birth control” in and of itself means “baby prevention”, which was the exact opposite of what I had been trying to do.  Thankfully, we came up with a plan.. one that did not involve birth control.

The very first step in the plan was for me to lose some weight (story of my life).  After going off birth control I had gained quite a bit of weight.  I hadn’t changed anything in my diet, but I packed on the pounds (a lovely symptom of PCOS).   

With PCOS your body has difficulty processing sugars, so my doctor put me on low carb, low sugar diet.  It is impossible to not lose weight when you cannot eat sweets, bread and potatoes.  Try it if you don’t believe.  I was also put on the medication Metformin, which is normally used to treat diabetics; it helped my body process sugars better.  It has also been rumored to aid in fertility, but it has not been medically proven.   Its one of those old wives tales sort of things.

Then each month, I did the following, which I like to call:

The Steps… “From barren to bearing in 35 days or less” (if you’re lucky)

Step 1 – Take Progesterone, to force the body to have (eh hem) a period

Step 2 – Take Clomid to make ovaries work

Step 3 – Take Estrogen to aide the Clomid in doing its job

Step 4 – Use Ovulation Tests to figure out when ovulation will occur

Step 5 - Have sex … frequently

Step 6 - Wait

Each month I would wait, then wait, and then wait some more.  A normal woman’s cycle is 28 -35 days, so if I hadn’t started my period by day 35, I was to take a pregnancy test. 

The first round of “The Steps” was very exciting.  When I hadn’t started by day 28, I was thrilled!!!  I thought to myself “Could this really have worked with the first try?!”  I remember taking that first pregnancy test, waiting anxiously by myself in the bathroom, too nervous to look at the results.  When I finally mustered up the courage and saw a big fat “Not Pregnant”, I was crushed.  I was embarrassed too.  How could I have been so naive to think this would work in only one shot?  I buried the pregnancy test deep in the trash can, I never wanted to see it again.

When the test comes back negative, you get to embark on the journey of “The Steps” all over again.   It’s awesome (not).

The more times I had to complete “The Steps” the more discouraged and depressed I got.  I became very bitter and angry.  The things that made me more angry than anything on the earth at that time were: the TV show “Teen Mom” and seeing people in similar situations, people complaining about their terrible children, women complaining about their pregnancies, abusive parents, and abortion.

It is so easy to take for granted the things that we have.  Sometimes we don’t realize how good we’ve got it.  So, while things weren’t working out the way I had “planned”, I did feel like I had gained a greater appreciation for the things I DID have in my life.

One thing I have been very grateful for throughout this entire process has been the convenience of modern medicine.  Had I lived a few hundred years ago… heck even just 60 years ago, I would have been considered a barren woman with no hope of ever having children of her own.  The reproductive hormone estrogen wasn’t discovered until the 1920s, and testosterone in the 1930s.  Clomid was FINALLY introduced in the 1960s… we’ve come a long way.

It is impossible to describe or explain the emotions a woman who is experiencing infertility goes through.  At the end of each day I would find myself reeling after getting off of an emotional rollercoaster of sorts.  There were breathtaking highs, the very lowest or lows, and everything in-between.

Finally, I got to the point where I was ready to be done with the whole thing.