Torrey through the ages!

So, I had to go through the ol' photo album the other day to give pictures to our Young Woman's President for a "Meet Your New Leaders" activity the other night, and I'm hooked! Is it not the most fun thing in the universe to look at old photos? I love to see how much the people around me have changed... I especially love to see how much I've changed! So, for your viewing pleasure, I now present: Torrey Through The Ages!!!!

Torrey as a baby! So cute!

Torrey and Evan looking guilty...

Torrey and all of her boyfriends...

Please note that she is stuffing her face full of cupcake...

Also note that she has quite the gut on her.

Torrey and wittwe bwothew Jakey!

Apparently Jake was supposed to grow

up to be a foot ball player?

Torrey on a horse at the famous

Cousin Birthday parties!!!

(PS, I loved that swimming suit,

if only I could still squeeze into it.)

Look at the million scrapes and

scabs I have on my legs!

My first play ever, the Pied Piper!

I'm the bright pink girl looking at the camera.

My one and only line was "And munch them!"

Yeah, I still remember it.

This is me with Katie and Katie, my best friends

in 4th grade. I especially enjoy the donut, granola bar,

soda pop, and KoolAide in my hands. No wonder

I looked like Jabba the Hut!

Ahhh, the Field Day Dance and Burton Elementary!

I was always jealous of the Kindergartners

who got to dance to Teddy Bear Picnic. 5th Graders

had to do a dumb 50's dance... with BOYS! Only,

my partner was a girl because we were the tallest

in our class and all of the boys were shrimps.

In Sea World in 5th or 6th grade... not entirely sure...

love the face.

This picture is in Junior High. I would like to

point out that I am again holding some type

of sugary beverage and a little on the round side.

Strange.

I love this picture because I have SUPER thick

eyebrows and bizarre red-ish hair.

Good ol' high school. Go Darts!

I've finally graduated from High School and

moved on to college. Thankfully there was a change

in hair color.

Oh fun Hale Center Theater. Bless their little hearts.

I loved that wig though. The outfit (which is

conveniently coved up by the bass) I could stand

to do without.

Tay and I at Jake's graduation... that night

was also my first date with Studly Juddly!

Dang I'm sexy.

My favorite bridal picture of all time!

Courtesy of Bee Photography.

Also another great pic by Bee Photography of me and

my sweetheart. Wow, I'm like, REALLY happy.

Again, SUPER happy... maybe it was because

I was finally married.

And, the most recent photo in Torrey's life!

We've almost been married a year!

Again, courtesy of Bee Photography.

Well, folks, did you enjoy the show? Can you believe I used to be so cute... AND so ugly? Really, the softball picture makes me want to hurl. But hey, you know how it goes... Chubby AND Sexy! Right?

Sexy AND Chubby

Christmas is coming and Torrey's getting FAT! Ok, not really, but honestly, how is a girl supposed to keep a trim figure with goodies galore tempting her? I'm at a loss here. I have always had a sweet tooth and I think I'm now developing a serious addiction to Peppermint Ice cream, plus I've made a terrible discovery... I can BAKE! Yes, ladies and gentlemen, it's true, I bake!

This week I've made it a goal to bake some kind of sweet every night to take to the neighbors... at least, that's my excuse. Because we all know where the Rolos Cookies and Cinnamon Rolls are going to end up... my butt and thighs. Sigh.

I'm so in the mood to look amazing for Christmas. I want to wear something sexy just becaue I can. I want everyone I know to say "Damn girl!"... except, probably everyone I know WON'T say that, even if I do... I hang out with Momony-Mormons, remember? And, somehow I have a feeling that there is nothing quite as revolting as a chubby girl wearing clothes that don't quite fit, with two fists full of double fudge brownies and chocolate sauce dribbling down her chin, trying to be seductive. (Shudder)

But, here's my question, can't a person be sexy AND chubby? When did big boobs and curvy hips go out of style anyway? I'm positive I was born in the wrong century. Remember when being "soft" was a status symbol, a symbol of wealth?! I'm not saying that we need to promote chubbiness, heavens knows we already have an obesity epedemic... But, what about the women out there, like me who, even with diet and exercise, can't squeeze into anything below a size 6? When are we going to be on the cover of Vogue? When are we going to grace the Victoria's Secret fashion show runway? When? When will we love love-handles again?!!??!!

I digress. I can't help it though, how can one discuss chocolate mousse with out mentioning their "junk in the trunk"? The funniest part about this whole post, is even after all of my fretting, fraying and complaining, I'm still going to eat peanut brittle until I get a tummy ache, I know myself. And, guess what? I'm going to like it. And guess what else? I'm going to slip... no, squeeze myself into the sexiest thing I own while I eat carmelitas, because, belive it or not, I am sexy AND chubby.

In deep SH*T

It has come to my attention as of late, that my entire front yard is almost completely covered in poo. Yes, POO. It has also come to my attention that the only pet I own, has poo about the size of pencil lead, if that. It has ALSO come to my attention that even IF my pet had large poo, it could never even make it to the front lawn without dying... seeing as it lives in a watery prison.

So, who's a girl to blame for this atrocious act, this dismal deed, this putrid performance?!? WHO?! Seeing as I had a BIG problem and no answers, I decided to start an intense and thorough crime scene investigation.

The first thing I noticed was that the poops were mostly the same size. This crime was obviously committed by a smaller dog, or dogs. There are many of these around the neighborhood, so it's difficult to say which one it is. I had thought of blaming my parents pups (who happen to live next door): Dill, the schnauzer and Bandit, the pug. They do pretty much have free reign of the neighborhood, and lets face it, they're DOGS (smaller dogs, as a matter of fact), they think they can poop anywhere they please!

Dill and Bandit were looking like prime suspects and I was getting ready to take some legal action... However... upon further investigation of the scene of the crime, I noted that the evidence can only be spotted on the front lawn, not in the back yard or the side yard. I found this knowledge strange, seeing as Dill and Bandit frequent my back yard on a daily basis. Hmmm....

This case was really starting to bother me. I mean, sure, it's just poop... but, it's POOP! Who honestly likes cleaning up poop? Especially if it's not your own pets? I was ready to give up on my crusade, when this morning, a very enlightening event occurred. I was getting ready to leave for school and opened the front door to walk out to my car.

Upon opening the front door, I encountered a man just standing on the sidewalk, facing my house, with his hands in his pockets. He obviously didn't realize I had opened the door, probably because I was being camouflaged by the closed screen door. I was a little disturbed at first, wondering why this man was just standing in front of my house, until I noticed a tiny black line leading out of his pocket. The line was a leash and it was connected to a dog, cocker-spaniel, to be exact. This dog was sniffing around my FRONT LAWN while the owner just stood there.

I was about to just walk out to my car when I heard, "Come on Jackie, go poop". Excuse? Yeah, you heard right, this MAN was prompting his SMALL COCKER-SPANIEL to take a DUMP on my LAWN!!!! I was furious! I loudly opened the screen door and said "uh, HELLO"! The owner, who was OBVIOUSLY guilty... HE WAS CAUGHT IN THE ACT... quickly said "Oh,

Jackie, don't, bad Jackie!" then ran away.

GRAAAAHHHH!!!! Are you freaking kidding me?! So, (as my little brother says) thing wrong #1: It is totally against the law to NOT clean up your pet's shiz, thing wrong #2: It is totally against common decency and etiquette to prompt your ugly cocker-spaniel to "do it's duty" on a perfect stranger's lawn EVERY DAY!!! Ok, maybe not every day, but enough days to make an impact on me. I suppose I'm not exactly a "stranger", seeing as the man lives down the road, but it's not like we're chums or have ever even talked to one another... not that being friends with a person gives you the right to let your dog crap on their lawn anyway!!!!

So, what should I do? It's taken every ounce of strength for me NOT to call the Animal Control and tattle-tell. "Come on Jackie, go poop", argh! That keeps sounding over and over again in my mind. Oh, and on a side note, who names their dog Jackie? Really, pets aren't humans! (I'm in a mad rage right now, so don't take offense if you happened to name your dog Bill or something.)

I've been give a few other more deserving suggestions on "how to deal" with the situation: put the poopie on a plate and deliver it to the owner's home, put the poop in a bag and light it on fire on the door step, and even have someone I know poop on the owner's lawn. But, I really am torn. I don't think the offense had quite reached lynching status... but if I find ONE more piece of digested dog food on my lawn... I'm going to do SOMETHING. I'm not sure what that SOMETHING is yet, but it's going to be BAD... VERY BAD.