The Frumpys

Yesterday I woke up with the worst of dilemmas.... I had a terrible case of the frumpys. You know what it's like. When you get ready for the day and nothing fits quite right. Even your cutest of outfits looks bad on you. Your hair has a mind of its own, you feel extra bloated and even make-up cannot help you. Your eyebrows are in desperate need of a wax. You realize you're out of deoderant AND tampons and you would prefer to just stay in bed. The frumpys. Or, as Alexander would describe it, the start of a "No Good Very Bad Day". FANTASTIC.

Not that I REALLY care what I look like everyday. Some days I'm all about the no-makeup-lay-around-in-sweats-while-eating-cheetos-and-peanut-butter-on-a-spoon-while-watching-white-chicks-the-moive-day. But yesterday I was not. I desperately wanted to look cute. Why? Because sometimes I like to feel like I'm the cats meow, that's why. MEOW.

I finally managed to drag myself away from the mirror, into my car, and then into work. Ta-da! Work was ok. I started to forget about how I looked, until I remembered that there is a mirror right by my desk and that I cannot walk past it without looking at myself. I'm a creature of habit, I like to check myself out. Why? MEOW.

As the day progressed I started doing little things to help my frumpys. Put on lipgloss to make lips plump and shiney? Check. Put on favorite butt boosting high heels that are kept under desk for emergencys? Check. Improved hair with a series of bobby pins while performing acrobatic inspired head movements? Check. Took an elephant inducing coma's amount of Midol? Yes sir. The frumpys started to magically diseappear, oh praise! PRAISE.

On the way home from work, I suddenly had a boost of confidence. It could have been from the enormous emouts of caffine consumed via the Midol, but, suddenly I went from yikes-what-happened-to-you to dang-girl-you-are-fine! I think the music on the radio helped. I was listening to "Sexy Chick" by David Guetta. I really felt like he was singing to me. MEOW.


I arrived home, with afore mentioned song still playing in my head. I decided I was going to give the Husband a sexy Hello!-I'm-home-from-work kiss. (I am really-liking-hyphenating-my-words-today.) SOOooooooo... I walk in, all sexy-like ("Sexy Chick" as my enterance music, of course, because my life is a musical) and I saunter over to the Husband who is absorbed in a sports-something on tv. The following conversation ensued:

The Husband (after doing a double take at me): Are you ok honey?

Me (still doing my walk and in a sexy voice): Yeah, why?

The Husband: Oh, you're just walking really funny.

Me (walk stops immediately, voice changes to insecure): I am? (long silence) Honey... that was my sexy walk.

The Husband (after another long silence and a little bit of scrambling for words): Sorry, it just looked weird.

I had to smile. I really wished I could have seen the whole scene take place from an audience's point of view (not that we have a live-studio-audience at our house... or do we?), but it was epicly hilarious! EPIC.

Later that night, as the Husband and I were laying in bed, I started to think about my sexy walk again.

Me: Honey?

The Husband (in groggy tired voice): Yeah?

Me: What did my sexy walk look like?

The Husband: I don't know.

Me: No, come on, tell me!

The Husband (still groggy and slightly annoyed): I don't know, it was weird. You were like, bobbing your head side to side.

Me: Like this. (I then proceeded to demonstrate the bobbing-of-my-head whilst in bed). What else?

The Husband: You were moving your shoulders.

Me: Oh, kind of like this? (I added the shoulder movements).

The Husband: Yeah, and you were girating your hips. And you were moving your knees. All while walking.

At this point my studio-audience must have thought that I was having an epileptic seizure of some sort as I was recreating my sexy walk laying in bed.

Me: Like this honey?!

The Husband: Can I get you some Nyquil to help wash down the Tylenol PM I want you to take?


Man I was sexy. Sure my sexy walk may need a little work, but I really think it's getting there. I woke up with the frumpys and fell asleep doing a sexy walk. Doesn't get much better than that. MEEE-OW.