Friday, October 2, 2009

A Woman's Duty

I came home from work the other night, excited to partake of a bowl of cereal (preferably something full of sugar), to find that there was not a clean dish in the house. I rummaged through every cupboard, rifled through every drawer, explored every shelf. There WERE a few pots and pans, which I suppose I could have eaten cereal out of with a mixing spoon, but other than that, nothing. There weren't even any clean coffee mugs (which I have been known to use for cereal and other like foods in the past).

I decided to find another solution to my problem before busting out the sauce pans. The dish washer seemed like a logical place to look for clean dishes. Unfortunately my dish washer was FULL of dirty ones. Apparently, it had never been started. I then turned to the sink, to find it full of dirty plates, bowls and cups all soaking in the most rank smelling water I've ever had the pleasure of encountering. We didn't even have any paper bowels in the pantry.

I finally collapsed on the counter in utter disgust. How had I let my clean dish situation get to be this miserable? There I was, weak from hunger and weary from a long days work, a grown woman laying on the kitchen counter. It was despicable.


Just when I thought I had gained enough energy to get up and actually do the dishes, I opened my almost teary eyes to see our garbage can, with pizza boxes and milk cartons stacked half way up the wall. Ugh.

The husband finally meandered into the kitchen to see what all of the crying and slamming of drawers was about. I was so thankful to see him! "Good, you're here! Can you please take out the garbage?" Now, the Husband has never been a cruel man, but he has a habit of loving to tease me in my weakest moments. "Can't YOU take out the garbage?" he asked.

I didn't lash out at him, at first. I tried very hard to control my boiling temper. "No, I can't." I snapped, "Do you know why I can't? Because, HONEY, taking out the garbage is a MAN's job. Are you not a MAN?" I knew, at that very moment, I had won the argument. It was a very nice feeling, especially after all of the anxiety I had been feeling up to that point from the tremendous pile of dirty dishes I had pouring out of my sink.

"You're right HONEY," he said (the man actually admitted that I was right), "I'll take out the garbage, now you get to work on the dishes." Um, 'cuse? At this point, the room fell silent. My husband just stared at me with a snarky grin spread across his face. I stared back, my jaw still on the cold tile floor. He raised his eyebrow, daring me to speak. My eye twitched out of shock. The Husband finally broke the silence, "I mean, you ARE a woman honey, and that is a WOMAN's job, right?"
I don't know why I was so taken back, he was using the same argument I had used on him to take out the trash. Yet, for some reason, I just couldn't see how the task of taking out the trash was equal to the task of tackling the monstrous pile of dishes.

I began to see how weak my argument really was. I thought, sure, I would be more than happy to take the garbage out, why does it have to be a "Man's Job" anyway? But, at the same time, that didn't mean The Husband would do the dishes. In fact, I guarantee that he wouldn't. I started think, hey, I go to work every single day, just like The Husband. I equally contribute to our household income. Doesn't that mean we should be equally contributing to the household work? If this is true, how do I help my husband see that the social norms that he and I grew up with are no longer the "norm"?

Suggestions? Opinions? All are welcome here, my friends, all are welcome here.

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

Oh how true this blog is! I once said that to my husband at a weak moment when we were first married and I have never uttered the words "a man's job" again. You are right. You BOTH work out of the home so you BOTH should work in the home. I still end up doing more house work then my sweet hubby but he is so busy with school right now I would rather have him do his homework then housework. It's a trade. Steph Bell and her hubby just had the same discussion. They are going to make a job chart. Maybe that would help equal things out for you guys! I LOVE your blog. =D Blogging is much better then face book I think.

Anonymous said...

OK! I have been married for a really long time and let me just say that it took me 12 of our 14 years of marriage to get my wonderful loving husband to help with the house work. being Judds sister i can tell you that you are going to deal with what I like to call being the baby problem. it goes like this: because my Josh was the baby his mother did everything for him he did not lift one finger to do any kind of chores ever!!!!! His mother even cleaned his room for him! so.... I got a husband who thought i should wait on him just like his mother! Unfortunately I can tell you the my baby brother is the same way!! maybe not as bad but really close up there!!!! I have had to let the house get pretty bad sometimes just to get the point across to him and my kids that I am not a slave. It has worked pretty well as i found out just a few days ago. I spent all day cleaning and cooking and had 1 room left to do which I had planned to do after dinner with the help of the kids because it was the family room and most of the mess was theirs. After dinner I came down to a clean room and my husband was getting ready to vaccum!!! it was such a shock a wonderful one and I was able to spend an enjoyable night watching a movie in stead of cleaning. I tell you this so you will keep up the effort. I know you get tired of the nagging but it will payoff! it might take a few years but keep it up it pays off!!!!

Love you
Candace

Andra said...

HOw do you help your husband see that the norms he grew up with are no longer in place? It's a long, hard road my friend. Years and years will it take to bring him from the dark side.
Good luck.

Brittany said...

Since I'm currently in school and the husband is not, but we both work equal hours, we decided we would equal out the work (work hours + school = work hours + house chores). So every day I will go to school and work, and will leave a list of chores and what dinner he is to make. Whether that is trash, laundry, vacuuming, dishes, or even all of the above. That way we are even. Then if the situation changes, we will reevaluate.

My suggestion - do a bunch of little chores and leave the yucky ones for him, then list all the ones you did to make him feel guilty for all the work you did - then dishes and trash don't seem so big to the unending work you do so loving for him!

Unknown said...

Well, I think I'm too much of a feminist to NOT marry someone who won't do the dishes and take out the trash equally with me...which is probably why I'm still single :)

Anonymous said...

I've read this blog 999,999,999 times. Enough already....write something new!